Single Ladies Club
by nonvoxsedvotum
Summary: The single women of Percy Jackson get together for some much-needed girl time. Just a silly little one-shot practicing characterization and dialogue, for the most part. No longer single-chapter.
1. The First Adventure

"Pass the popcorn, loser."

Zoë glared at Thalia. "I do not appreciate thee calling me a 'loser,' daughter of Zeus."

"It was a _joke_. Lighten up. I don't think you're a loser." Thalia settled herself more comfortably into her beanbag. "Can you please pass the popcorn, Zoë?"

"Yes, of course." Zoë handed Thalia the enormous bowl. "See how much you can get when you are polite?"

"I thought you guys would get along better, since you're both Hunters now and all," Hazel said, adjusting her pajama top, which was dark gray and decorated with pictures of various jewels. "Let me know if I'm pulling too much," she added to Reyna, whose hair she was braiding.

"You're fine," Reyna said around a spoonful of mint chocolate chip ice cream.

"We can still poke fun at each other," Thalia said, tugging her oversized Green Day t-shirt down over her flannel shorts. "That's what sisters do, right, Zoë?"

"Of course," Zoë said, as though it were obvious. She wore a flowing, silvery tank top and matching drawstring pants.

"Not all Hunters are like this," Bianca, whose pajamas matched Zoë's, muttered to Rachel. "I promise."

Rachel stifled a giggle behind her hand and finished painting small moons and Hades symbols on Bianca's nails. "Just give those a little while to dry," she told her. "I'm going to get some candy."

"Bring extra!" Bianca called after her.

Rachel gave her a "yes, of course" wave as she disappeared into the kitchen.

"Am I late, guys?" Calypso peeked into the living room, taking in the riot of pillows and blankets strewn over the floor.

"Nah. C'mon in." Thalia gestured around. "Make yourself comfortable."

Calypso sat on a pile of cushions, smoothing her white cotton nightgown underneath her. She promptly sank several inches into the pile. "Help!"

Reyna sat forward and pulled Calypso free. "There you go."

"Thanks. I like your pajamas."

Reyna brushed her hands down her pj's—royal purple with pegasii flying around them—with some pride. "Thank you."

"Don't start without me!" Rachel returned from the kitchen, holding a bowl of Skittles. "Oh, hi," she said, spotting Calypso. "I don't believe we've met."

"I'm Calypso," she said, shaking Rachel's hand. "I'm not surprised we haven't met. I don't get off my island much."

"You could say that again," Zoë said. "She is my half-sister and I had not met her before this evening."

"Hm," Rachel said. She frowned down at her pajamas. "Rats, I think I got nail polish on my pants."

"How can you tell?" Reyna asked dryly, making Rachel grin—like much of her other clothing, her flannel pants and tank top were splattered with paint and marker stains.

"Is this everyone who's coming?" Hazel asked.

"I think so," Thalia said. "Did we forget to invite Annabeth? Or Piper?"

"Why would we invite them? They've got perfect boyfriends. They don't think boys suck," Reyna said, a little grumpily.

"Easy, Reyna," Bianca said gently. "There's no need to be jealous of them."

"We should be happy they made it out of the dating game in one piece," Rachel said. "I mean, who else do we know who did that?"

Silence.

Hazel buried her face in her hands. "I'm doomed."

Zoë put a hand on her shoulder. "It will be all right," she said. "If things do not turn out well for thee, you can always join the Hunt. Lady Artemis is always looking for new recruits."

"Annabeth would have been here if we did this before she started dating Percy," Thalia said decisively. "She would have been up in here complaining about how his head was full of kelp and he had so much going for him but it was like he had no idea what was going on around him."

"Piper would've been here too, I bet," Hazel said. "She told me about her and Jason before they started going out. She was just as confused as some of us about how he felt."

Reyna looked a little embarrassed at this. "I guess some of that was my fault, huh?"

"No, it was Jason's fault," Thalia assured her. "Trust me."

"Speaking of, what is this prophecy I hear about?" Zoë asked. "Is the end of the world coming again?"

"Probably," Hazel said. "We're trying to stop it."

"That's the best we can ask for," Calypso said.

A solemn silence settled briefly over the girls as they pondered this. Then Zoë said, "I am sure you will all do just fine."

"Is everyone settled? Can I call this thing to order now?" Thalia asked, breaking the suddenly-serious pall that had momentarily fallen over the girls.

"I think so," Bianca said, looking around.

"Good. Welcome to the first official meeting of the 'Boys Suck' club," Thalia said, her mouth full of popcorn. "May we last as long as our bitterness and general apathy towards the males of the species."

"Hear, hear," Reyna said, raising her spoon.

"Can we not call it the 'Boys Suck' club?" Hazel asked. "That just sounds so…negative. Not all boys suck, after all."

"I agree," Calypso said. "Let's pick another name."

The girls considered for a moment, the only noise being the sounds of thoughtful chewing.

"How about the Single Ladies club?" Rachel suggested.

Bianca gasped. "That's brilliant!"

Thalia solemnly raised her glass. "Half-bloods, mortals, and goddesses, I officially induct us into the Single Ladies club. Sisterhood is everything. Tell fellow females about us if you wish, but no male shall ever get wind of our endeavors here. Do you swear to abide by these rules?"

As one, the other girls said, "We do."

"Cheers, then," Thalia said, taking a drink.

The others laughed and followed suit with popcorn, candy, ice cream, and whatever else they had nearby.

Reyna paused after swallowing. "Hazel, I hope you didn't mention anything about this to Octavian."

Hazel's eyes went wide. "Do you think he'll try to crash the party?"

"He does like pajama parties."

"I would like to see him try," Zoë said darkly.

"Zoë, I don't think it would be good if you killed Octavian," Reyna said.

"Much as I sometimes wish someone would," Hazel muttered.

"Hey, let's not talk about them," Thalia said. "We're here to hang out, have a good time, and eat."

"And pass the Bechdel Test," Rachel added with a grin.

"Exactly. So let's just put boys out of our minds for a while and enjoy being single girls with nary a care in the world."

"If you don't count saving that world as a care, then sure," Hazel said.

"Easy there, Bling Girl," Reyna said. "No need to be a wet blanket."

Bianca looked up, confused. "'Bling Girl?'" she repeated.

"It's, ah, a long story," Hazel said. "So you're a daughter of Pluto, too?"

"Hades," Bianca said. "But yeah. And my brother told me you're from another time, like we are?"

"Oh, _yes_," Hazel said, and the two settled in and began swapping stories about their lives before and after getting pulled out of time for a while.

"Can I play with your hair, Calypso?" Rachel asked. "It's so pretty."

Calypso blushed. "Certainly," she said.

Rachel grinned, pulled out a blue plastic hairbrush, and began running it through Calypso's long, caramel-colored hair.

"Everyone quiet," Reyna ordered. "We're putting in a movie."

Bianca turned off the lights. Whispers of "Where's the popcorn?" and "You're sitting on my foot" flickered through the room for a few minutes until everyone settled down, curled up together on cushions or under blankets, a new sisterhood forged by bachelorettehood and bonded by beanbags.

Late that night, after the other girls had dropped off to sleep, Thalia and Zoë sat on the balcony to talk. "I should do this more often. I had more fun than I've had in ages."

"Yes," Zoë said. "Though I still do not know where you found thy apartment."

Thalia shifted in her seat. "Let's just say we'll probably hold the next meeting somewhere else."

Zoë just shook her head, smiling slightly.

"Single Ladies Club…" Thalia mused. "Yes, I can definitely see this being a recurring thing. We girls have to stick together, after all."

"Now that, I will drink to," Zoë said. She and Thalia grinned at each other and then looked up at the sky, where the stars glittered brightly. The apartment was quiet, everyone asleep and dreaming, able to forget about the troubles they faced for a night. That, after all, had been the intent.

Across town, Leo poked Nico in the side to wake him up. "You have any idea what the girls are up to?"

Luke grumbled and threw a pair of jeans in their general direction. "Shut up and go to sleep, Valdez."

"I mean, Percy and Annabeth are double-dating with Jason and Piper, right? So what are the other girls doing?"

"Hazel said something about a pajama party at Thalia's," Frank said.

Luke groaned and buried his head under his pillow.

Octavian sat up in his sleeping bag. "A pajama party?" he said, sounding interested. "At Thalia's?"

"They'll kill you if you crash it, plushie boy," Nico said.

"Are your ears burning or something, Valdez?" Ethan asked sleepily. "Why do you care?"

Leo shrugged. "Just wondering. I've never known what girls got up to at sleepovers."

"They're probably doing makeovers and talking about boys," Luke growled. "Now everyone zip it or you might wake up naked in the middle of Central Park."

Everyone immediately quieted. After a few minutes, though, Nico whispered in the dark, "I really don't think the girls are the type for makeovers and boy talk. Call me crazy."


	2. Electric Boogaloo

"Are you really sure Zoë should be driving?" Hazel asked nervously. "I mean, no offense, Zoë, but you don't look sixteen…"

"I have been driving since automobiles were invented," Zoë said, expertly changing lanes. "We will not be pulled over."

The seven girls were currently piled into a minivan Thalia had somehow acquired, heading gods-knew-where. Thalia sat cross-legged in the passenger seat, a map spread across her lap. Reyna and Rachel sat in the captain's chairs, while Calypso, Bianca, and Hazel occupied the backseat.

"Are we going to get some music going here or what?" Rachel asked, fanning herself with her hand.

"I got you," Thalia said, pulling out her iPod. "I made a Dismantle the Patriarchy playlist just for this."

"Dismantle the _what_?" Hazel said.

"Don't worry about it," Bianca said as Natalia Kills's "Kill My Boyfriend" started to blare through the van. "That's just Thalia."

"Can I ask where we're going?" Calypso asked. She gripped the handle on the door so hard her knuckles were white.

"I don't even think Zoë knows," Reyna said.

"Thalia is in control of the directions," Zoë sniffed. "I am going where she tells me."

"Calypso, are you okay?" Hazel asked, concerned. "You look like you're going to be sick."

"I'm fine," Calypso said, managing a weak smile. "I've just never ridden in a vehicle like this before."

"Tone down the crazy driving, Zoë," Rachel said dryly. "Calypso might hurl."

Zoë glared at her in the rearview mirror. "Do not criticize my driving, mortal girl," she said. "I daresay it is better than thine."

"Easy there, Zoë," Thalia said. "She's just kidding around. Man, we really need to teach you the art of sarcasm." She flourished the map. "And to answer your question, Calypso, it's a surprise."

"Meaning you don't know either," Reyna said, braiding her hair over her shoulder. "Where are we right now, anyway?"

"Some kind of desert highway," Bianca noted. "I don't know; it's all dry and hot and there's no one around."

"Good," Rachel said. "I needed to get away. Camp is nice and all, but it gets tedious after a while."

"You can say that again." Reyna sighed. "Don't get me wrong, I love being praetor, but sometimes the stress can get to me. It's good to have some free time."

"I'll drink to that," Thalia said. "Or I would, if I had anything to drink."

"Hey, we know those people!" Hazel, who was looking out the window, said.

Five other girls immediately shifted their attention to where she pointed. Even Zoë tried to look, though she had to keep her eyes off the road.

"Are those the _boys_?" Thalia asked, sounding outraged. "How'd they know where we were going?"

"Forget that," Bianca said. "Where'd they get that _car_?"

Sure enough, the boys drew even with the van's passenger side in a sleek red convertible Corvette, top down and all.

"They look uncomfortable," Calypso observed.

She was right; despite the attractiveness of their ride, the boys didn't look like they were having much fun, save for Luke, who was driving. Everyone else was crammed in the backseat except for Ethan, who rode shotgun. Even he didn't look pleased: he had one hand on his eyepatch, keeping it from blowing up in the wind.

Thalia rolled down her window. "What are you losers doing?" she shouted over the wind.

Luke grinned at her. "Thalia! Good to see you!"

"Get off our road! We were here first!"

"I don't see your name on it," Luke pointed out.

Thalia glared back into the van. "Where's my bow?" she growled.

"Please don't shoot anyone," Calypso said, looking alarmed.

Hazel managed to crack the rear window. "Hi, Frank!" she called.

A hand emerged from the backseat and waved. Its owner appeared to be buried somewhere beneath Nico and Octavian.

"Is Reyna there?" Leo called. He was crammed in next to the wall.

"No," Reyna said, filing her nails with her dagger.

"She says no," Hazel reported, completely straight-faced.

"Pull over, Castellan!" Thalia yelled. "We need to have a little chat."

"There's a rest stop a mile or so ahead," Ethan said.

"Sounds like a plan," Luke said. "See you ladies in a few minutes." He floored the accelerator and zoomed off.

"Show-off," Rachel muttered.

"The _nerve_," Thalia fumed. She reached behind her as though for her bow, realized she couldn't make it appear while seatbelted in, and sulked for a moment.

"Should we drive past this rest stop?" Zoë asked.

"No," Thalia decided. "I want to chat, at least."

"Will this chat involve deadly weapons?" Reyna asked.

"I wouldn't rule it out."

"We are here," Zoë said, parking in the rest stop's lot. There was no one else around.

The girls piled out of the van, stretching. Thalia didn't waste any time in marching over to the Corvette where the guys stood.

"Explain yourself," she growled.

Luke gave an easy shrug. "We were bored, so we decided to take a little road trip," he said with a grin. "What's wrong with that?"

"I deliberately chose to go to the middle of nowhere to _avoid_ people we knew," Thalia said, poking her finger at his chest. "So get back in that flashy car of yours and drive in the other direction."

"Where's the fun in that?"

"Why don't we all stick together?" Leo suggested. "One big co-ed road trip. Could be fun."

"Last time I checked, this was the 'Single Ladies Club,' not the 'Single Ladies Plus a Few Dudes Who Are Too Lame to Get Dates' Club," Thalia said, crossing her arms.

"That's a little harsh," Nico said under his breath.

"You named your little girls' group the 'Single Ladies Club'?" Octavian all but sneered, raising an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Do you have a problem with that?" Rachel challenged.

"It's just a little…juvenile, is all," he sniffed.

"And stealing a Corvette and following us for kicks and giggles isn't?" Reyna said. She fingered the hilt of her dagger. Octavian noticed and edged away slightly.

Leo walked around the side of the car, likely keen to stay away from the impending argument. He eyed Zoë, who stood a few feet apart from the rest of the group, glaring at the boys. "Who's that?" he asked Hazel, who had joined him.

"That's Zoë," she said. "And if you value your life, don't go near her."

"Why not—oh. Hunter, huh?"

"And she's been one for the past two thousand years, so I don't think she's going anywhere."

Leo shook his head. "It's always the unattainable ones," he complained.

"Hey, don't worry about it," Frank said. "You'll find someone. How are you doing, Hazel?"

"I was having more fun when I didn't know you were following us," she said honestly.

"We told Luke to drive farther behind you guys," Leo said. "But he said it would be an insult to the car to drive it too slowly."

Bianca caught up with her brother, who had begun to skulk away from the car. "Hi, Nico," she said with a smile.

"What are you doing kicking around with the likes of these?" he asked.

"Having fun. I met our sister," she added, gesturing to Hazel, who waved. "And I could ask you the same question," she added pointedly.

"Oh…Luke and Ethan aren't that bad."

"I don't know them. I was talking about the blond one with the crazy eyes."

"Octavian? Oh, well…I just try to avoid him. Really, it's not that difficult."

"What's it like traveling with them, anyway? You all seem really…different."

Nico rolled his eyes. "It's a nightmare. Luke has the worst taste in music and he and Ethan won't stop fighting over radio stations, Octavian never shuts up, and if I hear one more bad joke from Leo I'm going to throw him out of the car."

"What about the other guy—Frank? He seems nice."

"He sat on me for half the trip until I put my foot down. There is _no room _in that backseat."

Bianca hid a grin behind her hand and glanced over at the escalating argument between Thalia and Luke. "That looks like it could get bad."

"Yup. And I plan to stay right here and watch the carnage from a safe distance."

Calypso edged up to Zoë. "I don't know any of these people," she whispered.

"I do not know many of them either," Zoë replied. "The blond one with the scar, yes. And Bianca's brother. But that is all."

The two of them watched Thalia continue to argue with Luke, the former's gestures becoming increasingly more violent. Reyna and Rachel faced down Octavian and Ethan, both of whom looked highly discomfited.

"Should we join in? Give some moral support?" Calypso wondered aloud.

"If the argument becomes too heated, yes, I will join," Zoë said. "Even though she can be irritating, she is still my sister-in-arms and I will defend her."

At that moment, Thalia turned to look at them, her blue eyes flashing. Zoë nodded to Calypso and the two of them walked over to Thalia's side, joined shortly by Hazel and Bianca.

"Have we sorted out our differences?" Hazel asked.

"More or less," Reyna said, though she didn't stop glaring at Octavian.

"They've graciously agreed to choose another direction to travel in," Rachel said. "So here is where we part ways."

"Somehow, I doubt 'gracious' is the right word," Bianca murmured, and Nico inclined his head in agreement.

"So, Reyna—" Leo began hopefully.

"No," Reyna said.

"We won't forget this, by the way," Thalia added.

"Oh, get going," Luke said, sounding annoyed. "What are you going to do about it, anyway?"

"You'll know when it happens," she said breezily. "Come on, ladies. Time to hit the road."

Calypso herded the girls back to the van. Once they had all settled in, Zoë stepped on the accelerator and they drove off. Thalia blew a very peeved-looking Luke a kiss as they passed.

"Well, that certainly was something," Calypso said. "All the same, I'd rather it didn't happen again."

Bianca, meanwhile, browsed through Rachel's mp3 player. "Oh my gods, it's our theme song!" she said, selecting a song.

"I forgot I had Beyoncé on there," Rachel said as "Single Ladies [Put A Ring On It]" started to play.

"Crank that, Zoë!" Thalia said, already in full jam mode.

"I learned the dance to this when it came out," Reyna said absently.

"You know the 'Single Ladies' dance?" Bianca said incredulously.

"Yep. I can teach you if want."

"That is definitely next on our list of things to do," Thalia said.

"What are they talking about?" Calypso whispered to Hazel.

"No idea," Hazel whispered back.

"Not singing is not an option!" Thalia said. "Yes, even you, Zoë."

Zoë smiled. "Do not doubt my musical abilities," she said before launching into the chorus.

So the girls sang and grooved to "Single Ladies"—with varying levels of success—as they drove off into the sunset.


End file.
